Comments & Reviews

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• Asphodael Mar 23, 2007, 11:51 pm

[general comment]

Very well-written. You were concise, the flow of the essay was good, and you related your examples quite well to the topic at hand. I quite enjoyed reading it, and could understand the point you wanted to make.

I think the only issue I had with the essay was that you only brought in your own opinion on the subject of abortion halfway through (fifth paragraph). For a good while I was actually unsure on which side of the issue you stood, until your brought up the conversation with your mother. (Granted, this may be because my brain is kind of fried at the moment.) So at first, I was wondering whether the essay was just on how Kholberg's theory related to abortion. Was this essay meant to be objective (focus on how the theory related)? Subjective (bring in your own opinion, maybe even agreement/disagreement about Kholberg's theorem)? That decision seemed to have switched halfway.

Also, a couple of nitpicks:
"...because they believe it is an abstract thought A sperm and an egg..."
There should be a period after "thought".

"...where mothers –and even fathers—who murder their children when they are in the most helpless state, developing..."
The "who" turns the whole sentence into a fragment; it's not necessary.

admin edit: HTML is not allowed instead of <i></i> use ochicode instead.

• 
• ochiba-chan Dec 02, 2006, 5:15 pm

[general comment]

Interesting essay. I think instead of 'biography,' you should choose the 'controversial' listing as this is a non-objective essay, and the brief personal experience shared doesn't is too short to be autobiographical. ^_^;;

The following is a bit awkward: ...now the morals of this religion, I understand the consequences of committing those immoral deeds spiritually, physically, emotionally, and cognitively The full sentence is too long. In addition, it's hard to determine if you are saying that according to Christianity these acts are immoral or if you are writing a biased article.

I think that citing excerpts of Paul's personal letters and opinions as 'the laws of the Bible' is misleading and unfair for those who have not read the bible. While the denotation refers to the physical book itself, the connotation implies a religious, political, and cultural 'authority'. You've attributed this authority to the opinion of one man who happened to be--ironically in light of this essay--a murderer himself.

Overall, I'm thrilled that you shared this! Thank you very much *^o^* I hope that you continue to post non-fiction works! They are inspiring and thought-provoking! ::cheers all over you::

• 
• Marathiel Dec 02, 2006, 3:19 am

[general comment]

Killer essay! I don't necessarily agree, but still, I think it's nicely written. It's always good to throw in a few personal examples to keep it alive, which you did. And you actually had me reading an essay on my spare time, which is to say something I think. :P It's an interesting topic!