I really like this. It could do with a couple endits, but it has a lot of interesting stuff going on. The strength is most definately the detail put into Violet's internal space. Parts gave me chills. The weakness is dialogue. The dialogue really could be improved by taking it all out. :P I think what I find wrong about it is that every voice sounds very similar, the doctor and mother talk as if they are as young as violet... I think you should try making up dialogue for very different characters and see what things you can do to make each stand out from the other. Keep going! I want to read more. ;)
