Comments & Reviews

• 
• ifiwereastorm Jul 14, 2008, 9:06 pm

[general comment]

First, I love how the first chapter seems to come full circle. A lot of the language I found really beautiful, as well. This is a style I enjoy a lot, although there is a pitfall in it as well. There are parts that are a bit hard to understand, it definitely takes a rereading. Good for the imagination, though. XD If you do wish to make it a little clearer (I see an issue with the second chapter, mostly) it shouldn't be too hard, as it isn't ALL that vague.

Overall, I enjoy it so far, and look forward to seeing it expanded on.

And, as a Spanish speaker, I could help you with that Spanish?

Hay agua a la izquierda. Me yendo, ahora.:
(I'm assuming you mean to say There's water at your left. I'm going now.)
Hay agua at tu izquierda. Me estoy yendo ahora. The lack of a comma is intentional.

Toma.:
Tome.

• 
• Nicotine Jun 30, 2008, 12:37 pm

[general comment]

Usually, I'm not into anything along the Sci-Fi or Fantasy lines, but you did a beautiful job here, seriously. Plus it's nice to read something with original characters here.

I like writing that's really discriptive, so much that you can *see* what's going on and *see* the scenery. So here, I could almost see the decay everywhere. From reading this, I can tell you're a very thoughtful person.

Is it over? It says its a one shot but they're two chapters. I could see how it could end here but do you plan to write more? (And I thought the spanish parts were neat, gave me a chance to practice the language since I never do on my own time )